Cryptocybernomia Obscurus

 "...Because our options have changed."


Noun:  /cryp’do bt̬b.si.bærn.ə.tmy a

(The art and practice of preventing access to key persons and corporate employees by concealment: 1) behind impenetrable websites and 2) behind endless automated synthetic voicemail routing systems.)


Cryptocybernomia obscurus is the sociopathic corporate practice - pandemic in the 21st Century - of preventing direct access to actual individual humans lodged within a company or organization.  CO is a particularly useful blockade in the case of callers wishing to discuss some issue related to their interactions with that company or organization.  

A notable recent case was an unaccountable overcharge of fifteen thousand dollars on a $41.53 website hosting invoice.  The victim was able to get as far as the third abrupt disconnection from yet another robotic voice advising him to please select from one of eight different slowly-explained systemic possibilities "...because our options have changed..."  before suffering a fatal apoplectic seizure. 
  

PSEUDOREALITOPHILIOPATHY

Noun  /su’do.ri.æl.ə.t̬o.phili.

(Trans: the compulsive desire to stare at small screens)

A severe neurological disorder, pandemic in the 21^st Century, in which the patient avoids observing and interacting with the immediate environment by focusing all visual, auditory and tactile attention on small beeping electronic devices manufactured in China. In its terminal phase the patient is unable to ride an elevator, run on a treadmill, walk down the street or drive an automobile without repeatedly and nervously taking out one of several devices and staring at it for as long as possible.  At present, the only known treatment is a widespread and enduring power failure although this frequently leads to confusion, disorientation, uncontrolled weeping and thoughts of suicide.  Some patients will recover sufficiently to notice that trees have leaves and oncoming buses can be dangerous to health.