Why Are Cops Always Innocent?
In light of several recent grand jury decisions to not bring any form of indictment against police officers who commit homicide, many are wondering:
“Well, gee! How come cops always seem to be innocent of any thing and everything whenever they kill or maim someone?”
Just to reassure readers that our justice system really works, and that citizens of our great nation have nothing to fear from a self-absorbed fraternity of uniformed individuals wielding the highest technology military weaponry your tax dollars can buy, we’ve provided:
Top Eleven Reasons why Grand Juries Always Decide that Cops are Innocent.
- "I was just following orders" deemed good enough justification for homicide, genocide, whatever.
- “I saw something shiny in his hand” traditional OK for use of automatic weapon (if "shiny object" clearly seen at the last moment to be ballpoint pen, then maybe taser).
- Fighting real bad guys like murderers and terrorists way too scary.
- Statement that “I feared for my life” always overwhelmingly convinces jurors that using a Glock 45 to blow two-inch holes in a mentally-ill teenager capering around with a butter knife is understandable.
- Use of occasionally fatal choke-holds on helpless people is a tacit but long-accepted PD SOP
- Not generally known that talking back to or sassing police officers carries an automatic death sentence.
- Have to express themselves somehow now that Gestapo and SS have been disbanded.
- What is the point of giving them all these super-expensive high-tech weapons if they don't make use of them?
- Most non-white people are basically liberal communists anyway who just don’t understand who’s in charge here.
- Shooting people to death still only a poor substitute for really cool ISIS techniques like public beheading.
- If you serve on a Grand Jury, once your decision is made…they know who you are.
