PSEUDOREALITOPHILIOPATHY

Noun  /su’do.ri.æl.ə.t̬o.phili.

(Trans: the compulsive desire to stare at small screens)

A severe neurological disorder, pandemic in the 21^st Century, in which the patient avoids observing and interacting with the immediate environment by focusing all visual, auditory and tactile attention on small beeping electronic devices manufactured in China. In its terminal phase the patient is unable to ride an elevator, run on a treadmill, walk down the street or drive an automobile without repeatedly and nervously taking out one of several devices and staring at it for as long as possible.  At present, the only known treatment is a widespread and enduring power failure although this frequently leads to confusion, disorientation, uncontrolled weeping and thoughts of suicide.  Some patients will recover sufficiently to notice that trees have leaves and oncoming buses can be dangerous to health.