The New Metro-North

26 August 2012

BYONG!  BONG!  “This is the train for Grand Central, The next stop is Rowayton”.

BYONG!  BONG! “When leaving the train please watch the gap between the train and the platform”

BYONG!  BONG! “This is Rowayton, The next stop is Darien”

BYONG!  BONG! “When leaving the train please watch the gap between the train and the platform”

BYONG!  BONG! “This is the train for Grand Central, The next stop is Darien.”

Enjoying it so far…?   Welcome to the “new” Metro North trains on the New Haven to NYC line.  They have a lot to offer over the standard early’70’s era trains which now break down so frequently you can enjoy that extra 10 minutes of sleep before heading to the station without worrying about missing your train. Let’s take a look at what we’ve been waiting for for decades, now arrived:

• Cleanliness (at least for a while, but that smell wafting from the now-centrally-located bathroom impels some caution before use, and the floor is still sticky.

• EXTRA LOUD multiply-repeated computer-voice announcements which cannot be shut off no matter how nicely you ask.  Three announcement for every station; always preceded by that earsplitting Byong Bong and rendered in a professionally-modulated voice that makes you want fantasize about decapitating the smug bastard who recorded it.

•  Extra-cold air-conditioning, and no way to turn it down.  Ever.  No matter how much you plead.

• More seats per car!  (Guess why.  Less room per seat)

• No more Bar Cars.  Hence, the final erasure of the last vestige of human camaraderie and good times on the way home.

• New crop of young, very well-trained rosy-cheeked baby conductors whop will let no ticket escape unpunched.

All this, and accompanied by a dramatically increased rate of cancelled trains, new breakdowns and indefinite strandings in….Let’s see…  so far, Pelham, Stamford, Greenwich, pre-signaled by the vigorous collection of money and tickets before the stranding.